i miss my mom

everyday.

i still don't understand.

still.

i don't think i ever will.

i do wonder if i'll ever be able to talk/write/think about it without crying.

i'm still so alone; maybe more now than ever.

which means it will continue to feel this way, and will only increase?

could i have a conversation with my mom right now? i've changed so much, what would i say? what would she say? do i even remember her? what if i don't and what if i'm nothing like her or nothing like what she wanted me to be?

i would give up everything i have to have my mom back.

everything.

over and over again.


its hard for me to understand that this has driven me to have a faith. a faith in something better than what is here, i guess.