I'm emo

consider this a happy post

:]

i miss my mom

everyday.

i still don't understand.

still.

i don't think i ever will.

i do wonder if i'll ever be able to talk/write/think about it without crying.

i'm still so alone; maybe more now than ever.

which means it will continue to feel this way, and will only increase?

could i have a conversation with my mom right now? i've changed so much, what would i say? what would she say? do i even remember her? what if i don't and what if i'm nothing like her or nothing like what she wanted me to be?

i would give up everything i have to have my mom back.

everything.

over and over again.


its hard for me to understand that this has driven me to have a faith. a faith in something better than what is here, i guess.

A talk with a beggar

We struck up a conversation as I walked my bike and bag home from the Co-op (I didn't want to create some scene by asking if they had gasp! plastic bags with handles). After talking a bit, he disclosed he had a home and "could be home watching colored television," but instead came to make some money and talk to "some nice people." He was very knowledgble and held a sign that said 'Veteran'. He gave me helpful hints about my bike and proceeded to offer me 75 cents to fill my tires with air. Yes, you heard me correctly; HE offered ME money. I appreciate that he didn't ask for money. I also appreciate him offering me money and more importantly insight. I wanted to give something back to him but didn't know what. I was not going to give him money and all I had in my brown paper sack was a block of cheese, one roma tomato, and grapes. He then informed me he didn't need food and once got three grocery baskets full in California and passed it off to "someone who needed it."

I settled on giving him a smile and a thank you. I hope that was enough.

I almost feel like I accidentally went outside in my underwear

I suppose that doesn't make sense to anyone. I taught a class tonight; it was quick, painless, and even kind of enjoyable. I'm exhausted and not getting anything done right now cause I have an pain in the right frontal lobe, also known as a headache. I think I just want to sleep in, skip at least one class tomorrow, and bust out my homework in a few hours on camp to some DeadMau5. Is this a poss?

Mickey merits a spot in every presentation from here on out.

I'm over this post.

I did it

I had to. I lost sleep over it people.

Got my hair cut today. Really thinking about the purp. Again, I have nothing insightful to say. Maybe this one-a-day isn't the best thing..

"Homie LJ's Birthday" is annoying me. Already. Ha.

K, I'm off to go post on BlackBoard. I'm sure I'll have more to say if I merit a response.

Standing up for myself

I have done it three times this week. And once it was for my girl, too.

It feels very empowering. I told Mich if she ever catches me sweeping that she needs to tell me and I said I would pick the rug right up and throw it out.

I was doing really well today, but now I'm missing him. Ughsskies. Fb is currently not even loading... it's a sign.

Annoying things that should be normal things but end up being reminders:
Homemade popcorn (that I totally nailed, beeteedubs)
Mod Fam
Tiny Dancer
Music

It's been two days

Not since I've blogged, silly, but since the cutting of the cord. I'd say I'm fairing pretty well. Being super school busy and knock-out sick does take the mind off things a bit.

I did laundry today at the laundromat (insert gasps). It was not even gross at all (Mom, I think they've come a long ways) and kind of gave me a feeling of independence. Plus it was an infinitely faster process than I was expecting.

Then Kiki came over and we took a li'l stroll to the Co-op for some goodies for our 'healthy' salad. AND she brought me three cd's and some cookies! One cd being a fantastically put together break-up mix that I will likely cry to either later tonight, tomorrow on my way to school, or perhaps both.

Something I recieved via text today "..And maybe your prob is you're dating boys. Look for men...:)"

That is all for now, as I should go start some homework. It does need to happen.
Toodles