I'm emo

consider this a happy post

:]

i miss my mom

everyday.

i still don't understand.

still.

i don't think i ever will.

i do wonder if i'll ever be able to talk/write/think about it without crying.

i'm still so alone; maybe more now than ever.

which means it will continue to feel this way, and will only increase?

could i have a conversation with my mom right now? i've changed so much, what would i say? what would she say? do i even remember her? what if i don't and what if i'm nothing like her or nothing like what she wanted me to be?

i would give up everything i have to have my mom back.

everything.

over and over again.


its hard for me to understand that this has driven me to have a faith. a faith in something better than what is here, i guess.

A talk with a beggar

We struck up a conversation as I walked my bike and bag home from the Co-op (I didn't want to create some scene by asking if they had gasp! plastic bags with handles). After talking a bit, he disclosed he had a home and "could be home watching colored television," but instead came to make some money and talk to "some nice people." He was very knowledgble and held a sign that said 'Veteran'. He gave me helpful hints about my bike and proceeded to offer me 75 cents to fill my tires with air. Yes, you heard me correctly; HE offered ME money. I appreciate that he didn't ask for money. I also appreciate him offering me money and more importantly insight. I wanted to give something back to him but didn't know what. I was not going to give him money and all I had in my brown paper sack was a block of cheese, one roma tomato, and grapes. He then informed me he didn't need food and once got three grocery baskets full in California and passed it off to "someone who needed it."

I settled on giving him a smile and a thank you. I hope that was enough.